Pick 6 Poems: The Death of a Jacob

6 uncommon beers, including one that set my brain back a few days. 

I made a mixed 6 pack that defies logic, one made up of hybrid styles and bold beer flavors. And I spent my day off drinking each one, and trying to capture the essence of each in slurred words and poems. So without further ado, here we go. 

Ale Asylum – Hazy Hopalicious – 5.7% – NEIPA  

“The New England version of our Flagship American Pale Ale that delivers a burst of Cascade hop flavor balanced with a juicy haze.” 

Ale asylum took what I love about a hopalicious, and packed it full of great, juicy tropical juice flavor. The classic caramelly malt background remains, but instead of the pine and earthiness of the original, the hops are a lot less bitter and have that wonderful mango mosaic flavor to give it a refreshing twist.  

‘I wish I wish I wish  
For something like the sun 
A taste of  
heaven-sent 
Sunbeams  
angel wings
Cascading down 
As if a dream.’  

Karben4 – Diet Starts Tomorrow – 6.3% – Chocolate Oatmeal Stout  

“Double oatmeal (golden malted and raw rolled) creates a smooth body and silky finish. Just the right blend of roasted malts and a double-barrel blast of pure liquid cacao ensure chocolatey transcendence. English Golding hops bring the package hope with subtle sophistication. So rather than focusing on shortcomings, learn to love yourself and perpetually postpone introspection with our proprietary happy sauce and a new mantra: Diet Starts Tomorrow.” 

A silky stout with notes of charred and slightly smoky malts, dark cherry and raisin dried fruits, and sweet, sweet chocolate. Between the creamy oat mouthfeel and chocolate flavor, Diet Starts Tomorrow is an apt name for a dessert beer that closely resembles the taste of chocolate cake.  

‘How lovely 
Was the night  

Moving slowly like a soul  
Swaying dark cherry  

Colored vibrant neon lights  
And a midnight air 

Heavy like the rain  
Warm oven hugs  

Baking sweet scents  
Of chocolate cake.’  

Untitled Art – Macadamia White Chocolate Stout – 15% –  Imperial Stout  

“Big ass pastry stout brewed with lactose and Macadamia nuts.”  

Here is where I died. I didn’t realize the potent power of this one. While it does clock in at an incredibly high 15%, it was also full of flavor. It had a perfect pairing of rich, creamy vanilla and a decadent nuttiness. It also had hints of cocoa, alcohol, and ice cream. It taste the equivalent of a vanilla and white chocolate milkshake that had vanilla flavored vodka mixed in for good measure.  

‘What is death  
But a permanent black out  
Sent off into the night 
A wild heart, a rebellious shout  
Into annihilation.’  

Hacienda Beer Co. – Motel Citroën – 5.5% –  Farmhouse Ale  

“Norwegian-inspired farmhouse ale brewed with lime zest and lemon verbana and fermented with a Norwegian kveik strain.” 

After destroying my palate with the rich flavor bomb above, I was happy to start sipping on something a little lighter. But as you can see from my notes… The damage was already done.  

Anyway. Here is what I originally said in my notes: Sunscreen, lime, salt. Everything it says it is. [illegible] juicy saison, sunscreen + lime + salt Gatorade lemon, salt lime, salty Gatorade.  

So I had to go out and by this beer again to fully capture and appreciate the flavor again)  

Here is what I actually meant: Imagine a totally unrealistic scenario, in which a truck carrying the finest sea salt collides with a truck carrying a floral, refreshing, and freshly brewed saison, and then a third truck, filled with fresh squeezed lime juice also joins in on the accident, and yes – a fourth truck now slams into the mix, and was carrying the essence of the sun itself. And I don’t know how this happened, maybe it was a four-way stop gone wrong? Who knows. All I know is that in this hypothetical scenario, this four-way collision of flavor is what must have birthed this beautiful beer of lavender, sea salt, lime, and ocean waves of grain. 

‘watch out for stop signs  
slow down enjoy a life with more limes  
sea salt and beach walks  
we’re all racing toward the sweet release but we could all use more ocean waves.’ 

Hacienda Beer Co. – Stop Don’t Come Back – 4.9% – Lager  

“Pale wheat lager dry hopped with a delicate portion of Mosaic.”  

This is what harmony looks like. Two completely different styles showcasing their best parts to make something truly beautiful. It’s an incredibly smooth lager, with little/if any carbonation. Stop Don’t Come Back is also filled with a burst of incredibly juicy mosaic flavor of tropical sunshine-y mango flavor, and in the backseat, there’s a subtle sweetness from the light, sweet malts. An easy drinking lager, full of fruit flavor and little to no hop bitterness.  

‘A lager on the lawn mower  
or pineapple rums under the sun  
life’s full of flavor  
kick your feet up at the table and remember it’s ok to be sad  
night and day, 
or ocean waves, the world runs on rhythm, ebbs and  
flows 
highs and  
lows 
you will lose it all 
only to find again 
meaning sent  
lost again.’  

Brewing Projekt – Puff Tart XL – 8.0% – Wild Ale   

“Imperial Kettle Sour Ale with mango, blackberry, peach, guava, and natural marshmallow flavoring.”  

I’m not going to lie. This was the stand out of the pick 6 pack. Unquestionably. I mean, holy shit. It tastes like a cloud from heaven. The marshmallow gives it a vanilla ice cream smoothness, and the sheer amount of juicy mango guava and berry flavor gives off a delightful and delicious tangy tartness. It’s an explosion of blackberry sour with juicy mango and guava, and then a malt background so sugary sweet it reminds you of breakfast cereal of your youth and it ends on the deliciously creamy marshmallow notes of vanilla ice cream. So much deliciousness packed into a can. It’s simply incredible.  

‘A voice of bubbles in the wind,  
bouncing iridescent  
and just hearing the lovely lark singing melodies 
brings happiness.’ 

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